How to not piss me off.

Wanna know what one of my biggest pet peeves is? Shitty drivers. I can't stand people who don't obey common courtesies on the freeway, and who just suck in general at driving. Driving home from work the other day, I think I screamed a variation of "What the dick/fuck?" about 6 times in my half-hour commute.

Some general tips:

• If you drive a semi, for the love of god just stay in the right lane. I'm sick of all that 'slowing down to 50 while one semi passes another' bullshit.
• If you see me hastily approaching in your rear view mirror, and then it looks like I'm about to drive into your trunk, that would be a good time to get over to the slow lane.
• If you're going to have a really stupid bumper sticker such as "My other ride is your mom", go back to your trailer park. And leave my mom alone!
• Your scion is not that badass. In fact, it's not badass at all.
• If you're driving a little car, I may attempt to drive over you.
• If you spot a police car 2 miles ahead, please don't slam on your brakes. Unless you're a super-deusch, you're probably not gonna get pulled over for going 80.
• Do not listen to your music at a level that interferes with me singing Reba at the top of my lungs.
• Learn how to fucking merge. If you wait until the last dotted line, I will definitely not let you in.
• If you want to go for a leisurely drive, please don't do it on the freeway during rush hour.

If you cannot obey these rules, then I suggest that you stay off I96 between the hours of 7:45 and 8:30 am, and 5:00-5:45 pm in order to avoid me ramming into your car.